Note: This reflection was written about the terrorist attack against America of September 11, 2001, but it can also be applied to anyone who has suffered abuse, persecution, or any sort of onslaught from the Enemy (the Evil One).
Faith is tested and strengthened in crises. Spiritual growth doesn't normally occur in easy, comfortable times. We cannot rise to higher realms if we don't first realize that there is something to climb away from.
The first line in Numbers 21:4b-9 ("4b" means the second half of verse 4) is something I can strongly identify with, and probably so can you: "With their patience worn out by the journey ...." The next line I don't like so much, but it's true. We're complaining to God, because we don't like the painful trial that our faith -- and our emotional health -- is undergoing. I have to admit that I've couched my complaints in intercessory prayer for others in order to hide (from myself) the reality of my bitter attitude.
Complaints are based in hopelessness and lack of trust in God. Complaints are based in what we see with our eyes -- as if we can trust our eyes to see the whole picture, sheesh! Faith tells us that there is a much bigger picture than what we could know or understand. Faith tells us that God foresaw the evil events of September 11th long before the terrorists even started plotting their strategies, and since then, He has been working a plan -- His own strategies -- to turn the evil into a greater good, fulfilling His promise of Romans 8:28. He would not take back His gift of free will from the terrorists, but He would indeed raise up to higher realms those who turn to Him.
As we are reminded in John 3:13-17, the cure for the disaster that befell the Israelites (in Numbers 21) is our cure today. The very symbol of disaster turns out to be what saves us. Do we have eyes to see the Cross of Christ lifted above the terrorists, above the ruined World Trade Center towers, above the dead bodies and the mourning families, above our own fears and grief and anger?
We are all, individually and collectively, going through a grieving process. We need to give ourselves time and permission to experience all of its five stages, so that we can reach the realm of the Cross and experience it's healing love.
1) First came our denial: Could this really be happening? Surely I'm watching a movie!
2) Bargaining: God, if I pray more than I normally do, make all this bad stuff stop happening.
3) Depression: I feel so empty, despairing, alone, ignored by God or by those I need to lean on for strength.
4) Anger: MY God sent those terrorists to hell! You are wrong in saying I should love them and hope they made it into heaven! We must find the remaining terrorists and bomb them! I won't feel safe again until they're dead!
5) Acceptance: It happened, but God is still God, still loving everyone, still ultimately in charge, making good come from this tragedy, and I want to grow from it, becoming stronger in faith and in love.
The bishops of the United States issued this statement on that dreadful Tuesday: "On Friday and Saturday, we celebrate the Feast of the Triumph of the Holy Cross and then honor our Blessed Mother under the title of Our Lady of Sorrows. These are particularly apt days for Catholics to reflect on the ways in which we are called to take up the cross and follow our Lord." (For the rest of their statement, go to http://www.nccbuscc.org/comm/archives/2001/01-159.htm)
Taking up the Cross that God has raised over the dead who were killed by the terrorists means loving our enemies, even though they don't deserve it, praying for the souls of their accomplices who are still alive, hoping that the souls of the dead terrorists have somehow chosen to run into Jesus' arms, and leading the people around us to this same acceptance.
Remember that those who are ministering to us and leading us through this tragic time -- our priests, our political leaders, our faith-filled friends, etc. -- also need to process their grieving. Reach out to those you know, to encourage them and affirm them. Be strong for them if you have an opportunity to allow them to be weak.
Taking up the Cross also means crying and giving ourselves time to work through the grieving process. Let's not neglect our need for Jesus to minister to us, which He does through others and in our prayer time. The Father sent Him angels who ministered to Him when He took up His Cross. The Father has given us angels, too, and His Son, as well.
In whatever stage you're currently at, know that God loves you and cares about you dearly. Jesus is by your side, gently leading you and inviting you toward the next stage and then the next. In your imagination, visualize Jesus and lean your head upon His chest, or sit in His lap like a little child, and feel His robes, His strong arms, His concern, His confidence, His goodness....
